jjosuminded

“Deep in the bosom of the gentle night
Is when I search for the light
Pick up my pen and start to write
I struggle and fight dark forces in the clear moonlight
Without fear
Insomnia”

Insomnia, by Faithless.  (Rollo Armstrong / Maxwell Fraser / Sister Bliss)

So yeah, not sure it’s still the “bosom of the gentle night” still, it’s 4 a.m, and I’ve been struggling to sleep since I woke up at 2:30 a.m, man this sucks.

Still, it’s been a while since I don’t write here and I felt it was about time to update this blog; you see, I’ve been studying this little book from James Scott Bell which may very well be a game changer in my writing, and he’s writes about how important it is that someone would actually take time to read what you have to say. I sounds basic, but it’s not; I heard in a conference about psychology/anthropology that reading is one of the newest skills humans have developed (as compared to cooking or telling stories that is, not to programming computers) and it’s a sophisticated skill. As such, it’s hard, it requires a lot from a person to stare at characters and start building a picture out of what’s being told.

How do you picture me right now? Messy hair? Runny nose? Tired face? Pajamas? – Yes, that’s about the right image, add 1/2 pound of grumpiness.

In any case, that opened my eyes quite a bit about how big of a deal it is that someone takes their precious time to read what’s in your head; for that I thank you and that’s why I don’t want to let this blog die even if I seldom update it.

So, I’ll briefly tell you what’s up and make it a short one: never been better as far as my artistic goals go. Still a long way to go, but if you’ve read me for a while you know I’ve been struggling for years with the desire to dedicate to music, literature and arts and yet I have my 9-to-5 and my demanding career which is both a blessing and an obstacle.

So if I want to do something real (as oppossed to just a side hobby) I kinda need to make a big sacrifice; so after my 9-to-5 I have my 6-to-10/11, depending on how tired I feel, and that time chunk is to work on my writing skills, music skills, art skills. Sounds like a lot and it truly is at my age and with the stuff I do, but compared to the size of my goals it still seems not to be enough.

And still, I’m doing it, it’s taken me years to make up my mind and do it, and risk so much of my time in a truly uncertain adventure. And that’s why I’m doing better than even, cause I’m actually doing something about it.

This is also why I haven’t been writing so much here; this blog is very valuable to me, but I need to focus and I don’t really have time to both write short stories for publishing and blog posts regularly. If I’m to be honest, I have even thought of deleting this blog, but I’ve decided not to; allow me to explain. I’m already working on a poetry book and a short story book, they’re no longer just ideas, I have actual stuff written and a plan for each; the thing is: I’m going to publish under a pen name and it’s hush-hush, big secret.

So I had this very existencial moment regarding this blog; on one hand, this blog was kind of the spark that ignited the whole plan, this was my first real effort to reach out to an audience and express myself and, on the other hand, it’s now disconnected from my other literature projects because of my choice of publishing under pen name. But, I came to my senses and I won’t be deleting this blog; this will give me freedom, the freedom of staying a bit ‘under the radar’ and keep writing the way I do about my personal thoughts; also, I know for a fact that each subscriber I have and each person who reads this blog can take home a little part of me, and that part will be one of the good ones because I strive to deliver something that’s worth keeping.

There’s people taking time to read what I have to say, doesn’t matter if it’s 10 or 10k, I’m grateful for you and I’ll ask you to please be patient with me when I’m gone for a while; it’s always because I’m working to improve myself and since you’ve been part of the beginning of this journey I want to keep you posted! I think it will be exciting!

Cheers,

J.V